It was confusing and full of hummus
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Randomize
