maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
