id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
