bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
My liver just had a heart attack.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
