I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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