dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize
