I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
