Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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