I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
You pole danced in your parka.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
