It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
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