I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
