I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
