Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
