I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
