Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
We named our party play list daddy issues
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
