The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
