We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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