Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
We're facebook friends in real life
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize