Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Randomize
