I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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