My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
