Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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