I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
