I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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