Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
