I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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