Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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