Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
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