There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
