He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize