she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
