I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
