Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
