It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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