My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
