guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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