Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Dignity is for republicans.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
