Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
It's blow job season.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Randomize
