Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
