what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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