Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Randomize
