I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize