i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
she told me i tasted like america
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
