how hairy? two words: wookie tits
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
she looked like the before picture.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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