There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Randomize
