So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
