The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Boobs are out for the taking
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
