I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
FUCK WHALES
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
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