She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
