I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
