I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
