i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize