We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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