Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
