just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
