she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
