I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
