After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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