Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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