I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
