I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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