OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
