Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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