Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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