sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
