He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
