Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
