If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Come see our sink grown plant.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
ttyl tear gas
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
