a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
