Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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