quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
