VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Just high enough for therapy.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
