you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
