I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
