She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
