She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Randomize
