dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Randomize
