dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
