so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
