the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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