I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
