He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Randomize