apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
