today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
