I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
