If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
You ruined the universe
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
