I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
