You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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