By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
