I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
