im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize