ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
