Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
