She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
