shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I love having hate sex.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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