just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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