i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
