I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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