My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
