The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
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