Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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