hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Randomize
