I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
