I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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