I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
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