Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
