I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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