My first STD was from a foam party
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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