i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
