So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
