roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
